So when they said Self Motivated

What did they mean? Because I showed up with my own questions and they didn't like them. I brought in my own study plans and they dismissed them. I described my desires for *this degree* and they told me they simply don't offer that, at least not anymore. They were glad I wanted to learn, but annoyed that I also wanted to understand.

What did they want? A consumer apparently. Somebody who had picked their accredited course off of a shelf and placed it in a cart, along with their dorm of choice. Somebody who could follow all the instructions and enthusiastically play the constructed game of education; and then leave, successfully, with a certificate in one hand and lifelong debt in another. Somebody who would take those things and find a seat in the office they've been trained to fill; where nothing they learned in school comes into much use. What was it for?

For me? Certainly not, I never asked for it. They never really asked me what I want; not that I didn't try to tell them. For the firms? The firms didn't ask for me in particular, or anyone in particular, they just needed an unparticular someone to fill the spot of whoever just left - in fact, the less particular the better. For the industry? Does the industry have desires as we do? Does it seek survival and community? Does it long for peace and beauty like I do?

So what do I do with my selfish motivation? With my silly ambition and my excess desire? They want me to consume, but deny my hunger. I can drive but only along a preset route. I can protest, but only in the pre-approved fashion; with my converse and my pepsi and my catchy hashtag. If I do enough of these, perhaps I will forget the unrealistic visions of how my future could look. Vivid as they are, perhaps they will look increasingly unreal; they simply don't match the reality offered by this subscription service - the one we vote for every four years.

Perhaps I will learn to enjoy the bland taste of tried and tested, and easy; and learn to do without the pungency of fresh and particular, difficult.

They, whoever they are - the closer I look for them the more illusive they become - they only barely exist. In their bland palatability, they have neither essence nor fire; nor any real self motivation. When we apply to become a part of them, they encourage us to sacrifice our own flame into a pool of still, stagnant water; the same waters that were put there centuries ago. It continues to ferment, and the taste of power is intoxicating; even inebriating. Those who have been around it for long enough forgot there was a smell.

So when they said "self motivated," they clearly didn't have me in mind. My concept of self is too strong, and my motivation is too persistent. "Not difficult to teach," is what they should have said instead, or "Not requiring teacher involvement." They simply couldn't get involved if they wanted too; they have too much paper work.

Now what? I am here with all my baggage, now what?

Red pill or blue pill, now what?

Engine off or pedal to the metal? Now what?

This is an open discussion; wrong answers only. ;)